My closed heart is comfortable and at this point, I don’t think it even wants to open.
I’ve had my guard up for so many years. If half of marriages end in divorce, how can I know which half I’ll be? A broken heart is just too high of a price to pay for something with no guarantee. I feel like the odds are stacked against me. I can take all the precautions in the world, but that still doesn’t mean love will work out, so I honestly don’t know if it’s worth trying. Is love really worth the potential pain? I’m not so sure that it is. I’m still not sure the risk is worth the reward. To me, there’s nothing scarier than that. I’m afraid of allowing myself to know the amazing feeling of love again just to have it ripped away. I used to be a romantic, but what do I have to show for that now? Nothing but a heart that’s been broken one too many times. I’m afraid of how much I threw myself into love before and of how much it took out of me. I stopped looking for love and I starting hoping that in return it would stop looking for me. 
There’s no point in fighting a losing battle, so I just gave up. I didn’t want to make an effort when I knew a guy would never do the same for me. I convinced myself that I’m better off alone. I stopped looking for love and stopped wanting love to find me.
It’s been out of the game for years, locked in the cage I built to protect it, and it’s been that way for so long that I don’t even know if there’s a key for the right guy to use to open it again. After it happened, I needed time to heal so I put up my guard, locked away my heart and I did my very best to protect it from ever experiencing heartbreak again. Like so many other women, I’ve had my heart broken badly.
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